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• Guys - HOW TO Keep an Office Romance a Secret

  September 28, 2011

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  Step 1: Don’t talk to her!

   Tell-tale signs like smiling, leaning in close, drooling, flicking your tongue like a seductive snake, and working up a decent half-boner under the table are common, natural, and completely unavoidable side effects of close contact with someone that you’re secretly banging.  The only way to avoid giving yourself away is to never talk to her during work hours. EVER.

  Step 2: Talk sh*t about her!

    Talking smack about her when she’s not even around is a good way to secure your perceived position as her mortal enemy and conceal your true identity as her nightly jizz delivery boy.

  Step 3: Spread really nasty rumours about her!

   Be loud and boisterous about it, and say absolutely horrific things about her.  Tell everyone that she’s have five abortions in the past three years, and that the children were all of an ethnicity that the person you’re whispering this to will find apalling.  Say that you heard she’s a dude who spent a fortune on a sex change operation, or that she’s actually a soviet spy that got so deep undercover that the motherland lost her, and then say something like, “have you seen that movie Traitor, with the black guy fromHotel for Dogs?  It’s kinda like that, but with an ugly fat chick who’s hopelessly addicted to whippits.” 

  Step 4: Bang her best friend and tell everyone about it!

  It’s probably best to have her friend drop into the office every once in a while to put on a little show for the office staff.  Public displays of affection are important here, including but not limited to the following actions: heavy petting, dry humping, and sloppy tongue kissing.

  Step 5: Humiliate her frequently, and without remorse!

  For example, take your “spraying too much Visine into my coffee so that when I drink it I get such bad diarrhea that I actually shit out my internal organs” plan, lessen the Visine amount to a non-fatal level, and put it into your f*ckbuddy’s beverage of choice.  Then, when she’s shitting all over the place, be the first person to make fun of her, and then actively work to get everyone else to chide her as well.  It’ll be absolutely mortifying for her, and it’ll really prove how far you’re willing to go to keep your relationship with her safe and secure, because that’s how much she means to you.

  Original post on HolyTaco.com

• HOW TO: Dress Sexy in a Professional Workplace

  September 19, 2011

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  Women’s professional clothing can be extremely attractive and even sexy when worn correctly. Many women feel that they cannot be sexually appealing and still be taken seriously at work. As long as you are very careful with your manner of dress, speech and behavior, you can pull off this look to your professional advantage. Sexy, tasteful clothing indicates confidence and poise. In this article, we will discuss how to dress sexy in a professional workplace.

  

  1. Wear severely tailored clothes. The better your clothes fit, the better they will look. A fully buttoned, tailored shirt can indicate your curves just as alluringly as a cleavage-baring one. With this option, nobody will think you are dressed inappropriately.
  2. Pair a bright article of clothing with dark pants and matching shoes. A bright red shirt and red shoes spice up a black suit. Keep the bright colors to a maximum of three pieces. Do not mix in more than one color. If you still feel monochromatic, add a white scarf as an accent to your throat, hair or wrist. 
  3. Wear large, chunky jewelry. Since a sexy work wardrobe tends to be a bit severe, soften your look with chunky gold or silver jewelry.
  4. Pull your hair back with a pretty clip. While some women wear their hair down to work, this can be a risky move that causes people to take you less seriously. However, your hair adornment should be pretty rather than just functional.
  5. Stick to sleek, traditional hairstyles. Wear a smooth pony tail rather than a messy bun or other up do. While free-flowing hair may be trendy, it makes you look less put together. In order to be sexy in the workplace without sending the wrong message, you need to emanate a feeling of control over yourself and your surroundings—and that includes your hair.
  6. Wear stockings. Any time your legs are visible, do not leave them bare. Stockings are traditionally considered sexier than bare legs, and many people consider bare legs at work to be inappropriate.

   

  
  Read more: How to Dress Sexy in a Professional Workplace | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2320262_dress-sexy-professional-workplace.html#ixzz1YO89LFWR